We've all seen the articles floating around about the joys of motherhood. They paint this picture of a happy pregnancy, perfect delivery, and just pure joy from there on out. Even while pregnant, everyone touts how wonderful being a mother is. And motherhood is a wonder to experience, but sometimes it's not all daisies and sunshine. There is a side to motherhood I wish we would talk about more. Real life, hard motherhood stuff that I wish someone would have told me about during my pregnancy. Things, had I known, that would have saved me the trouble of feeling isolated in the struggle. Well, if no one else is talking about it, then I am. Here goes...
Pregnancy sucks. Morning sickness, or if you're lucky, all day sickness. Stretched skin, stretch marks, swollen feet, hot flashes, difficulty breathing, shooting nerve pain in your legs, painful pressure on your tail bone, pain from being kicked in the ribs, and back pain. But don't worry, everyone will tell you to be grateful because it means you have a healthy baby. You wont get empathy. It is a surreal experience to grow a human. Literally fascinating, but no good thing comes without difficulty.
Labor and Delivery can go awry...And most likely will. They tell you to make a birth plan. Print copies. Give it to everyone. They say take a birthing class and watch videos of other women giving birth. They say bring a tennis ball so your spouse can give you a massage. They say learn breathing techniques. They say bring a playlist and a stuffed animal to focus on. Oh dear, how I laugh about all the 'preparations' we did before our first. The naivety of it all. Everything goes out the window once you have that first 'real' contraction. You know the one where you can't breathe at all. There goes those breathing techniques I prepared to use. You wanted a natural birth, but pain. Now you want them to sedate you and wake you up when its over. There goes the birth plan. Watching videos of women give birth did nothing for me at all. How that would be helpful, is beyond me. I forgot all about the tennis ball, music, and stuffy because again, pain. Seriously, it's going to hurt like hell, seem to last forever, and then once you see your baby, none of that will matter.
You might hate being a mom for awhile. It is not easy to keep a human being alive yo. Especially on unnatural amounts of power naps. Being a mom isn't all fun, especially in the beginning. You can love your baby to the moon and back, but you just might hate being a mom. Don't worry, once you aren't a walking zombie anymore, the gig is much more enjoyable.
Darkness may consume you. During the most joyous time of your life, sadness may consume you. Raging hormones and overwhelm can and often does lead to post partum depression. It's a real thing and many of us mother's have experienced it. You need a game plan and support system if you do fall into PPD. Not a single person mentioned such a thing before I had my little bundle, so here I am spreading the news.
There is no tribe. You know all those people who came to your baby shower and celebrated with you? The sad reality of life is most of them will give you a onsie and then fade away. I don't know what it is about motherhood (maybe it makes us a bit crazy), but it's almost as if people are afraid of your offspring. haha Over and over I hear people say it takes a village to raise a child, but not very many are village people. So no, don't expect a tribe or a village to teach you or be along for the ride. Count your blessings when a few amazing humans share the journey.
No, the weight doesn't fall off when you're nursing. I cant recount how many times I was given that little nugget of total falsehood. Ya'll I believed it, until I faced reality. There is no accurate way to portray the level of starvation I felt while nursing. Something like a wild dingo scouring for food. I couldn't eat fast enough. Not even an ounce of weight came off while nursing. And we have determined that was a lie.
You will feel guilty about the decisions you make regarding your child. There is a professional with a PHD on either side of every issue. Vaccinate or not. Helicopter parent or free range. Breastfed or bottle-fed. Disposables or cloth diapers. No matter what you choose to do, you will be wrong in someone's eye. And people seem to have no issues telling you what they think about your parenting style. Be prepared.
Every age is hard. Newborns not sleeping. One year olds getting into everything. Two year olds potty training...you will give up more than once. Three year old sass will make your eye twitch. Five year old know-it-all attitude will provide a slew of opportunities to practice patience. Many of the battles you will lose. Every stage is hard! No it doesn't get easier...at least it hasn't yet. I will let you know if it does.
Tears will fall often. You will love your children like nobody else. You are responsible for keeping them alive and training them in the way they should go. It is a heavy calling. You will fail. You will worry. You will cry. And you will try again. Because love never fails. And you will give all you've got to care for your offspring. That is the essence of motherhood.
Motherhood is this strange blend of everything good in life and everything hard in life. It will test you. Try you. Shape you. Make you better. And while focusing on the positive aspects is ideal, I believe we are doing a disservice to new mothers by not sharing the hard parts of this journey. Because there is tough stuff we all have to overcome as mothers. Normal, hard things like when we haven't showered in a week and we have a perpetual mom-bun, and yesterday's clothes on still. We have to normalize motherhood for what it is; a rollercoaster of emotions.
And these are the things they don't say about motherhood.
Signing off
~Shantel
Comments
Post a Comment